i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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