The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
