tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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