He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
