Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
