also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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