u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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