Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize