i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
