You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
