just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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