haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
