There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
