After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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