I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
