I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
