Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
