Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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