The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
