Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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