He asked to "fluff my boner.."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
