The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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