Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
