Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
