pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
