I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
