Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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