Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
