if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
