True but thats because hes a fetus.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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