Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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