Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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