is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
