we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
