For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
