Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
