this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dick very happy bro
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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