Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
