Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
