I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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