i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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