if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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