Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
