her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
