Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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