I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
