I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
