shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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