I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
