god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
