So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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