Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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