So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
