come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
whose parrot is this?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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