How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
