Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
