Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
