They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
