Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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