sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
