it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
