Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
