I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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