Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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