Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
