I like to think it a success when the cops are called
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
