Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
