my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He did a backflip because drugs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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