he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drake has all the answers
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
