Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
