this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
