My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
