cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
